Brief Wings

author's note:

As they say in the movies: "based on a true story".


BRIEF WINGS

For a moment this morning
I again felt those wings...

beginning when
I saw a small bird
hopping among some leaves
then in a flutter, in a breeze
it disappeared--

though I walked on
I could suddenly sense those wings again--
opening slightly--just a bit more than before--
prying my shoulders blades
another inch up, subtly broadening
the band of my chest--

but I dared not push the wings
to unfurl more fully--
in the past, I've used impatient force
and lost and lost again

so I continued on
down the street
keeping the same pace,
trying to be nonchalant

even when I felt a little lift
as the wings yawned open
to the first pinion joint

--sprouts drowsily waking--

no, I did not
try to spread--did not
jump into the air--no--!--
I tried not to hope--
tried not

to desire what I desire so much--!

Yet despite my careful balance
after only a few breaths
the wings collapsed back
as if I'd only dreamt them
at the long night's end.

Yes, I know they'll return--
but I can never guess how long
between now
and the next blessing--
from past experience: maybe months
but maybe tomorrow.

In any case, I know only too well
I can't wish them open--I know
I can't spur the movement
by meditating upon
another hopping sparrow...

so instead, I try
to distract myself--I try
to forget my fervent wish--
after assuring myself of what I know
to be true: one day I will fly--
though I can hardly believe
I will, I know I will--I don't know
how far, how high, how strong--
I only know I most definitely will:

not fly all the time, no, but I will

because I have wings--still so small
you can't even see them...still so faint
I can almost convince myself
they don't exist...can almost

ignore them growing
under my shell.

Meanwhile...

to keep my heart
from hurting, I tell myself
I'm perfectly content
with this long, tedious
wonderful walk.

© 2012, Michael R. Patton
searching for the new mythology