Monday, May 02, 2016

When I Look Into My Eyes



author's note:

I can't find the word "re-awareness" in my dictionary...

But it should be included.  Because, in my experience, that's the nature of awareness: gained, then lost.  But never completely lost.


WHEN I LOOK INTO MY EYES

Sometimes when I start to feel
uncertain about this creation
called human life
I'll look into my eyes

hoping to return to a bright center
of spirit and purpose
and thus, reassure an animal
that frets over its fragility.

But initially
the clouds of my anxiety
will block this anxious attempt
to peer into the depths

and so I’ll only see a reflection
of the same unsettling thoughts
that brought me to the mirror.

I'll see
how my warm twinkle blinks
on and off, on and off:
a distress signal of fear--
fear I usually try to ignore,
afraid I could not function
if constantly aware

and with this re-awareness
--this self-confession--
I'll become even more
desperate:
willing to persist--
to be courageously patient
until I pierce through
to some deeper truths

though I can't help but dread the descent

not just because
I know I'll see my worst
but also because
I know I'll see my best:

that which is buried yet never at rest.

Maybe we created gods
of light and darkness
because we could not tolerate
the incredible in ourselves

but none of our conceptions
ever illuminated me as much
as the ageless one I can find
deep deep down in my eyes

below the darkness and light
below the worst and the best.

Maybe you’ll call me Narcissus
and maybe you're right

but from such mirror gazing
I become aware again of a knowing
we too often ignore:

a human being is always much more
than the complexity we can clearly see
with but a single glance
at his cloudy anxious eyes.



© 2016, Michael R. Patton
dream steps: the blog

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