Despite Appearances

author's note:

The video above is window-dressing.  The real reason for this post is the poem below.


DESPITE APPEARANCES

When I look back
the losses seem to outweigh the wins.

But I must've gained
as I lost
because I would not want
to begin again
if I had to start
as the one I was
when I first began
this adult life.

So, no, I’m not a minus--
I’m a plus.
I have not
wasted this field.
I have grown.

Though I still can’t see
the total equation
I realize the truth of my math
when I sit down in the dark
and deepen into my depths
because then I can sense the strength--
the steady increase.

But I believe
we all grow--
  if not a meter more
  then at least a millimeter--
no one can avoid learning a little.

Maybe we humans will eventually
--collectively--
learn enough through loss
to see how much
our species has actually gained
during its brief play
on the green field of this planet.

© 2020, Michael R. Patton
Poet, Heal Thyself: ebook

Honoring the Ashes

author’s note:

Are we in the ashes now?

Yes.

Will we rise?

Of course.


HONORING THE ASHES

I identify with
that solitary tribe in the desert--

the book says:
when done with life in one place
they arise in the fresh morning chill
and burn their village
and burn their clothes.

Then, having cleansed
they follow the wind
to their next destination.

But the story didn’t tell
how they know when they’re done.

Well, in my experience
the “knowing when”
begins as a feeling that then
becomes a thought.  My best decisions
are the feelings I can not ignore.

But unlike the tribe
I carry my ashes with me

and often stop to dump the urn
and shift through the gray dust
that’s dead yet still lives--

maybe I contemplate
the shard of a busted jar
or a ring twisted
into a figure “8”.

Some say:
“don’t waste the present
  looking back on the past”.

But I feel the need to find meaning

especially when
the present moment seems
so trivial and low.

At such times, I sometimes
remember to remember
all the people, places, and things
I’ve known
and thank the whole menagerie
for helping me
as I struggle to learn
about this life and myself.

In that way
I elevate the moment
and see my past
as a glorious panorama.

© 2020, Michael R. Patton
Butterfly Soul: poems of death, grief, joy