I’m so desperate for good news, I’m trying to make a little myself.
BUCKETS & LADDERS
The candidate says he can save us.
But no—
he couldn’t even if he tried.
As the wise one once said:
You are the only one
who can lower your bucket
down into the well.
You are the only one
who can climb your ladder.
When the candidate proclaims:
“I’m so tall, I’m so deep!”
he sounds so short, so shallow.
Yet many believe that snake-oil salesman
because they’re searching for hope.
Well, I’ve found hope in another belief
because I see
it slowly becoming a reality:
Tired of being less than we actually are
we will reclaim our power
by rejecting our idols
and lowering our buckets down
deep into the moon in the well
while climbing up our ladders—
climbing, trying to reach the sun.
As is typical of youth
when I was young I ignored
the possibility I could die young.
Even as I watched
so many with the same blindness
stumble into graves.
Only later
as I looked back
did I see how lucky I’d been.
I then began to step more carefully.
But now as I watch
so many my age
retire to their graves
I worry I’m becoming
just a little too cautious.
The life I’m afraid to lose
won’t have much life
if I don’t follow
the true desire of my spirit
which was and still is:
to go forth and know the world.
So though my legs tremble
I will stretch my stride.
No, the width won’t match that of my youth.
But the stubborn fool I am now
shows more courage
than the obtuse fool I once was
because now I can feel Death
watching me and waiting
as I struggle on these steps.
But my reaper is not so grim.
No, beneath that black hood
he smiles wide in appreciation.
Death sees I am doing
what he wants us to do:
to grow in strength
by confronting
the deep fear that keeps us alive.
Psychopathic pirates now rule the seas.
Cutthroats who feel no guilt.
But instead of defending ourselves
against those bloody Blackbeards
we honor them for their gall
and get drunk on their grog
after being blatantly robbed.
I would fight
those big flashy swords
but I fear the inevitable losses
would begin to darken my heart.
So for now
I’ll just keep feeding my little light
and share what I’ve got
as its flame slowly grows brighter.
And keep repeating
a hope I believe to be based in reality
and that is:
despite appearances
the age of Blackbeard has nearly
burnt itself out.
Millions of good boats
now roam the seas—
navigating—
lighting the way
toward a future
that may not be that bright
but at least, won’t be as bleak
as our present dark passage.
But when I do drown, I’m always able to resuscitate myself.
THE POWER OF METAPHOR
Occasionally a submerged memory
will leap up in a sudden wave
and as the breaking crest topples down
onto my head
the undertow
will begin to pull me under.
But I’ve learned
at such times I can save myself
by calmly repeating this instruction: don’t try to resist—open yourself
open up your arms—open up
the cage of your chest:
surrender
and feel the full force of the feeling.
And if I then do as told
I will rise up
from the deepening darkness
to the sun
spangling golden
on those light blue waters
and a rolling wave of peace
will carry me home to the sandy shore.
Yes, by using metaphor in this way
I can stop myself from drowning.
But so easy to forget
when a sudden wave rises
and my head gets pounded once again.
A long time ago, I learned to make pain my friend.
-- Kid USA, pro wrestler
LIVING WITH GHOSTS
I’ve learned:
I can’t get rid of a ghost by shouting Leave me alone!
No—
curses and pleading
will not dislodge a ghost.
Nor can I outrun them.
For years, I sped like a bullet train
but when finally forced to stop
my ghosts shot out of the shadows.
Sometimes a ghost may seem
to disappear completely.
But then something I hear or see
will raise that wraith from the grave.
I’ve wrestled with my specters for years
and lost a million times or more.
So now I’m trying a new strategy:
whenever a ghost resurrects
and an old wound wounds me once more
I’ll try to remain calm
and say quite casually: Well, hello my old companion—
stay if you want—leave when you wish.
No, I’m not finally at peace with you
but I waste so much energy
when I try to fight or flee.
However
I won’t sit
when your sadness
tries to leaden my heart—
No!
I’ll leap and skip in a golden dance.
Though I can’t deny you, I can defy you.
But maybe I should thank you.
Didn’t I learn through you?—
Didn’t I grow?
Yes, and now I’ll learn even more
by staring deep into your eyes
with all their shades of blue.
But though I say in my head: You should embrace that ghost
my words I haven’t yet convinced my heart.
So until I grow some more
the best I can do is accept you
and dance dance dance—
dance ‘til the night becomes dawn.
Some believe
the rose struggles to break free from the bud
because it wants to be lovely
but no—
it’s possessed by a mad desire to live.
However
after opening its eyes
the flower may discover
it resides inside a little cage.
The rose may then sink into self-pity
but soon enough
that willful plant will rise up
to protest the injustice
and as the flower finds its strength
a new bloom will come from the old one.
The bars of the cage
will then surrender to its power
and fall down to the ground
like the dead shards of a husk.
But alas!—
beyond the parameters of fallen cell
the rose will find another cell.
So though our hero enjoys
the extra space it’s earned
it still feels caged.
And so, as before
the rose will rebel
and by struggling, grow some more
and so
the bloom will bloom once more.
But just as before
after the cage breaks open
a new cage will emerge from the shadows.
In this way, that stubborn perennial
will move through a succession of cages.
The irony is:
because it expands with each new blooming
no cell ever feels big enough for that plant.
And so, the rose continues to grow
to the very end.
Maybe like me
you look at your petals
and see brown blotches
and ragged edges—
our blooms reveal our battle wounds—
yes, in this fight for life we’re scarred.
So I will try to solace you now
by telling you what I tell myself: a flower with a blemished blossom
always speaks lovelier
than one still stuck in a spotless bud.
I believe our greatest accomplishments often go unnoticed. We don't even see them ourselves.
THE SUN IN MY FUTURE
A week ago, I woke with this image
in the darkness of my aching head:
A tear
dangling from the tip
of an eyelash.
The drop beamed like a small sun.
I’d seen that teardrop before— years ago
so I already understood the message:
By releasing grief
I will cleanse my eye
and then see the world in light.
But apparently that clarity
is still far away—
as before, I saw the drop
through the lens of a telescope.
Naturally, I felt disappointed
and began to wonder
if I’d ever reach that sunny place.
So to strengthen my resolve
I wrote this poem—
knowing
I’d rewrite it many times
and each time
I would see that sundrop.
And as a result
the image would anchor in my mind.
So maybe now
I won’t slip
and forget
my deep desire
as I often have in the past.
No, I won’t lapse
and slack in the task
of clearing those clouds from my eye.
I may seem to be going in circles
over a path worn down to dusty ruts
but I believe:
I’m actually going up
a spiral stairway—
rising higher with every step—
with every step rising higher— higher:
where the soul wants the heart to go.
To those who insist that’s nonsense
I say
Consider how this belief benefits me:
Because I believe our dizzy life
has a grand purpose
I’m willing to endure the vertigo.
And this belief encourages me
to keep on trying
to lift myself up—
high enough
for me to take
the next big step on this stairway.
And that helps everyone, doesn’t it?
I can see
why someone would think
we are only going in circles.
But whatever the reality may be
shouldn’t we try to find beliefs
that will motivate us
to keep on lifting ourselves up?—
to keep on lifting our world up?
High enough
for us to take
the next big step on this spiral stairway.
She wanted to express
the complex emotion of that moment
in words
or paint
or song.
If only for her own benefit.
Her plan was:
On days when she felt blah and dim
she would return to her creation
and experience once again
that emotional moment
and in that way, cure her malaise.
However
she soon discovered
the work of writing was such drudgery
as was the work of applying paint
as was the work of crafting a song.
So she decided on a different strategy:
on those bleary days
she would instead open her mind and heart
to the complex emotions
conveyed by artists she loved:
poets
and painters
and magicians who made melody.
And because she now realized
how hard they’d worked
her appreciation for their gifts deepened
and so, she opened even more.
Nonetheless
one night she felt so flat
she could not muster the strength
needed to open her door and enter
the rooms created by those master carpenters.
In desperation
she then wrote: If I feel too dead to open
to the life that gives life to my life
how can I live?
Honest lines
and yet
they sounded rather mundane.
And so she tried to find better words—
and more of them!—
she wanted to create incisive verses
that would fully truly express
the debilitating frustrating blandness
of that moment.
And by laboring long
she managed to transform those lines
into a melodic poem of color.
Not bad, maybe even good
but still
her creation somehow didn’t seem quite right to her.
Nonetheless
she felt she’d gone deeper
than she’d ever gone before.
And so
though she felt disappointed
she also felt rewarded for her efforts.
And that complex mix of emotion
cured her malaise.
For a moment, anyway.
Years later
she remains frustrated in her work
but keeps on because
she knows she deepens and heals
each time she tries and fails.
Full disclosure: I have used “sashaying trees” in a poem before.
But if you steal from yourself, is it really stealing?
EMPATHY AT THE END OF WINTER
On that morning
I couldn’t express the heavy feelings I felt.
But when I looked out the window
what I saw expressed how I felt.
I knew that black skeletal tree
felt so weak beneath
the gray sky hovering just overhead.
But its desire for life kept it upright.
And when I saw the brown leaves
still stuck on the pale-yellow grass
I could feel those dead leaves
clinging to my skin
and knew
the grass desperately wanted
a loving spring breeze to rise
and whisk those leaves away—
all of them—away—
so its pale blades could green again.
With such empathy swelling my chest
I could barely tolerate
what I saw outside.
But I did not look away
because I now saw
the power of my desire—
because I now saw
the strength of my endurance.
But then I did step away from the window
because suddenly I knew
how I could express what I felt
at the end of the winter
and knew
I needed to open my chest
and release those winter feelings
and try to resurrect
a bright spring inside
so I could love
when spring resurrected itself outside—
so I could feel the glory
of those towers of white cloud
and feel the abundance
to be found in my own little patch
of sashaying trees and sparkling green grass.
Yesterday I woke at dawn
with a sense of disturbance.
Looking out the window
I then saw the cause:
a hundred starlings loitered in my yard.
A foul fowl in my opinion:
traveling in herds, they shove out all the other birds.
Arrogant. Ignorant. Belligerent.
Their voices always full of complaint.
So I waved my arms
and shooed those devils away.
But they merely circled round
and settled back down on my lawn.
So again I waved and shouted.
Only to see the flock return moments later
with dozens more in its defiant chorus.
After two more tries
I finally said with a sigh:
“Okay you feathered fiends, you win.”
Then went inside.
But I could still hear
the racket of that flock—
the fidgety fluttering, the raspy chattering.
But what could I do?
I saw no other option
but to fall back on my bed
and try to accept what I’d rejected.
Maybe I could become accustomed
to the torture.
Then my anger might unclench its fist
and I would know calm within.
And indeed—
as I endured patiently
I felt the ruckus slowly settle down
to a dull innocuous murmuring.
Yes, I achieved a relative peace.
Then suddenly all grew still
both inside and out.
I realized the starlings had fled.
By surrendering, I’d won.
But that vacuum was soon filled
as my inner monologue began again—
amplified now by the quiet.
That spiel spills out
with hardly a pause
during my waking hours.
Sometimes the words come from
an elevated place.
But more often the words come
from a place lower down.
That’s not what I want to hear from myself.
But I haven’t found a way
to shut that base voice down.
Sometimes I’ll stop
and shoo that noise away.
But too soon the disturbance returns.
Yeah—
just like those starlings on my lawn yesterday.
My opinion of the species
remains pretty much the same
and yet, I bless them now—
through those birds perhaps I’ve learned
a way to come to terms
with that lowdown being inside of me
fighting for survival.
I wanted to feel what the poets feel
when they say: I am a child of nature.
So I decided to go to the forest alone
and throw off all my clothes.
I wanted to feel at one with
all the trees and rocks and birds and squirrels.
But as I began to disrobe
a stern voice within me said:
“Though your skin be bare
underneath you’ll still wear
the suit of your civilized self.”
After a thoughtful pause
I then answered,
“Well, maybe so.
But I’ll tell you why I’m going to try:
“As children, sometimes we’d dress up
and pretend to be adults.
That harmless fantasy
would give us a brief reprieve
from the frustrating smallness of childhood.”
“Now, in adulthood
I often feel frustrated
by the smallness of this civilized suit.
“But maybe today I can get a brief reprieve
by throwing off my outer armor
and pretending to be
a child of nature
frolicking naked in a forest garden.”
Years ago, I visited a temple
prompted by my cat-like curiosity
and the light I found inside dazzled me.
Nonetheless, I did not stay—
I wanted to see what
the next temple might bring.
And to my delight
in the next I also found
the light of many jewels—
the same light just arrayed differently.
But no, I did not stay—
I wanted to know
if I could find more.
I traveled that path for a year—
finding jewels of light in so many temples
and some of what I found
stayed with me
after I moved on.
And so, I gradually grew brighter.
Then one day an old monk
told me of a temple
grander than all the others.
“Where?” I begged to know.
Despite all the light I’d found
I felt a driving need to find more.
“I can not show you,”
the monk replied.
“But if you keep going
you’ll eventually discover
the temple I speak of.”
So of course, I kept going.
But as the days added up to months
and I did not find what I hoped to find
I despaired
of ever finding what I sought.
And so
though I stayed on the road
I felt lost
until the night I stopped
at the small adobe home
of a quiet peasant woman.
When I asked her if she knew
of the grand temple of my search
she did not speak
but led me to the backroom
then blew out the candle.
In the sudden darkness
I found myself surrounded
by a dazzle of diamond light—
so many facets flashing illumination—
moving, swirling around me
like a school of incandescent fish
in water deep black.
Quickly dizzy
from the unexpected spectacle
I nearly swooned.
“Where did you find all this light?”
I whispered with my heart in my throat.
“I went to the temple within,”
she said.
“Every day, every night
I go to the temple within.”
After that evening, I ended my search
and returned home
carrying with me all the jewels
I’d gathered on my harvest trek—
including the fishes gifted to me
by that gifted woman.
All this brilliance helps guide my way
as I try to bring forth
those diamonds of light
hidden in the shadows of that backroom.
When he saw her at the dance party
my friend nudged me in the ribs
and said with a laugh Would you look at her!
So I turned my eyes
to the woman across the room:
Obviously anxious. Shy. Vulnerable, she was.
Perhaps embarrassed
by how her ears stuck out from her hair
or how
those two front teeth stuck out from her mouth.
But I choose to believe
all humans hold the magic of nightfall
(though we often hide the mystery well)
so I studied her until
I again felt the reality of that belief:
She’s a wonderful cipher
I then told my friend.
When he realized I was serious
he focused his beams
and after he saw what I had seen
he swallowed a deep breath
and strolled over to her—
moving carefully—
the way one approaches a deer
or a space alien.
I say:
the power and blessing of this belief
comes from how it asks us
to open our eyes
and see for ourselves.
When I Went for My Waterfall Blessing, I Found a Divine Dog
author’s note:
“What a feeling!”
— Irene Cara, “Flashdance…What a feeling”
WHEN I WENT FOR MY WATERFALL BLESSING, I FOUND A DIVINE DOG
PART I
Today I went to visit the waterfall
as I do whenever
the mud and dust
of my life in this world
just seems too much.
When I stand beneath
the water rushing down
I imagine a blessing descending
on my bowed head—
cleansing me.
So when I emerge
I feel clear again
and for a moment
again feel the purity of my spirit.
But I believe we’re all
pure in spirit.
I need that belief
in order to accept
all the mud and dust
of our life in this world.
PART II
But when I arrived
at the end of the forest trail
I found a dog playing in the pool
beneath the waterfall.
Possessed by a dance, it was—
leaping up
trailing beads of spray
then landing down
in a winged splash—
a joyful rebellion against gravity—
a joyful acceptance of defeat—
spray
and splash
spray
and splash—
ecstasy.
But I’d come there for a blessing
so I waded around the canine
and stepped into the curtain
and let the full force of the fall
pound my head relentlessly.
The water cold but hot in its intensity.
Soon overwhelmed by sensation
I lost every dull thought in my head.
But when I stepped back out I saw
the dog had stopped its revelry.
Standing still, it stared at me—
head tilted to the side. Puzzled
by my trembling solemnity.
I didn’t want to ruin the dog’s frolic
by causing it concern
so I then began my own splash dance.
Which broke the spell—
in an instant the creature joined me.
We jumped up and down
and barked and laughed
and my feeling of purity
meshed with a feeling of joy.
Again I was the child I once was—
the one who’d rebel
against the mud and dust of his world
by going into a ritual
with just one rule:
dance—dance—dance
dance like a divine dog.
When I found the above cartoon recently, I wondered why I’d made that drawing years ago.
So I wrote a poem and discovered why.
BLESSED AFFLICTION
She didn’t see the cause
of her problems
until she dreamt that dream
in which she tried to rise
but fell over sideways
and then watched her long blue wing
flap helplessly against the ground
in puffs of dust.
When she awoke
our heroine could then see
her invisible reality:
on one side
she had a wing instead of an arm.
And on the other, no wing, just the arm.
No wonder she kept falling
when she tried to ascend.
No wonder the boxes
she tried to lift
often fell to the ground.
Now she knew why
some people fall into the dust
time after time after time
and struggle so much
when they try to carry boxes.
With such folk she’s now found a home.
Under that roof
they gather to grieve their plight.
But also encourage themselves
by sharing stories
of afflicted individuals
who never stopped trying to fly—
who never stopped trying
to lift boxes.
And so they continued to grow
until they grew
not only another wing
but another arm too.
Those stories have shown our heroine
the blessing inherent in her affliction:
if she didn’t have that one wing
she wouldn’t feel such a strong desire to fly
and if she had two arms, instead of just one
she wouldn’t want to lift boxes so badly.
Driven to lift
and driven to fly
she may eventually earn
another wing and another arm
and then carry boxes while in flight.
I don’t have the ability to play music. But I do have the ability to listen to music.
THAT WISE WOMAN ON GUITAR
On a twilight evening
in a foreign town
the fog crept in so thick
I could not see
where to point my feet
as I walked a deserted bridge.
So when I heard
a deep piercing melody
coming from a guitar
I decided I should follow
its thread through the gray drift—
maybe the player could direct me.
And soon I found
a small clear space
walled all around with cloud—
a sheltering bower
a sanctuary.
In the center, stood
a white-haired woman
in a burlap gown.
Her feet in sandals on cobblestone.
With eyes closed
she made those perfect notes
with fingers both gentle and strong.
Though I hated to interrupt
in my desperation, I said a clumsy:
“Hello, can you help me?”
Without opening her eyes
or pausing her playing
she then answered in a weathered voice: Close your eyes and listen
and you will find your way.
The watchdog in me suspected a trick.
But I’m also a hopeful fool
and in my need
I ignored the protest of reason:
I shuttered my eyes
I stood still
I listened
and as doubt and impatience
slowly relaxed
I began to feel
all those soft confident sounds
move down into my depths
until they found
the higher spirit
hidden in the shadow.
I remained in that peace
for a timeless time
before the hunter in me said: now, go forward.
So I opened my eyes.
And in an instant, the music ended.
The woman had vanished.
But hey—so had the fog.
Now whenever I feel lost
I close my eyes and listen
until once again I hear
that wise woman on guitar.
You can’t see the marks, but I’ve been bitten plenty of times.
And yet, I’m still trying to wake up.
WHY THE SERPENT BITES
When the master of the garden told me
to tempt the woman
I replied:
I never harm without just cause.
But then the master said:
You wouldn’t be harming them
you’d be helping them—
helping those two do
what they truly want to do
and that is: get out.
In their souls they know
they can’t grow
in this drowsy garden—
they need to be out
going all about
in rush of mad activity—
sweating with labor
sweating with the fight
as they swear at the fight
and struggle to return
to the garden they still feel in their hearts.
So as The Serpent
I did what I had to do.
But after they were cast out
the master then told me to follow them—
told me to bite them
again and again and again—
not just when they misbehaved
but also when they did good deeds.
But why? I asked.
Why do they need to be bitten so often?
See how groggy they are?
the master answered.
You need to strike them
again and again and again
in order to awaken them.
So, as The Serpent
I did what I had to do—
I bit
and continue to bite
innocent fools
to this day.
I can not stop.
Held by a higher purpose
I must sting human beings.
By design I have to help them.
So I offer no apology
and besides:
whenever I insert my fangs
I feel the same pain the recipient feels—
yes, I feel those fangs pierce my own heart.
And when I asked:
Why must I be punished
for simply doing my duty?
I was surprised to learn:
No one is ever fully awake—
no, not even you—not even The Serpent.
Author’s bio (my standard spiel):
Michael R. Patton, in his own words, “likes to make stuff”. This stuff includes novels, new fables and myths, poetry, cartoons, essays, and videos.
The ideas that run through that work can be found in the titles of his books. For example: "Searching for My Best Beliefs" and "My War for Peace".
Basically self-taught, he describes his slow, tedious journey of discovery as “crawling blindfolded through the labyrinth”. He has lived and worked all over the United States.