Living with Ghosts

author’s note:

A long time ago, I learned to make pain my friend.
              -- Kid USA, pro wrestler


LIVING WITH GHOSTS

I’ve learned:
I can’t get rid of a ghost by shouting
Leave me alone!
No—
curses and pleading
will not dislodge a ghost.

Nor can I outrun them.
For years, I sped like a bullet train
but when finally forced to stop
my ghosts shot out of the shadows.

Sometimes a ghost may seem
to disappear completely.
But then something I hear or see
will raise that wraith from the grave.

I’ve wrestled with my specters for years
and lost a million times or more.
So now I’m trying a new strategy:

whenever a ghost resurrects
and an old wound wounds me once more
I’ll try to remain calm
and say quite casually:
Well, hello my old companion—
stay if you want—leave when you wish.
No, I’m not finally at peace with you
but I waste so much energy
when I try to fight or flee.

However
I won’t sit
when your sadness
tries to leaden my heart—
No!
I’ll leap and skip in a golden dance.
Though I can’t deny you, I can defy you.

But maybe I should thank you.
Didn’t I learn through you?—
Didn’t I grow?
Yes, and now I’ll learn even more
by staring deep into your eyes
with all their shades of blue.

But though I say in my head:
You should embrace that ghost
my words I haven’t yet convinced my heart.
So until I grow some more
the best I can do is accept you
and dance dance dance—
dance ‘til the night becomes dawn.

mythsteps · living with ghosts

What I Learned While Alone: poetry book
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© 2025, Michael R. Patton

The Ghost Lady & Me

author’s note:

Maybe every place on earth is haunted, in one way or another.


THE GHOST LADY & ME

The desk clerk says:
people have often seen
the ghost lady
as she ascends this hotel stairway—
her steps heavy with grief.

I believe I know
the reason she doesn’t move on.

I believe, like me
she’s trying to reach a place
of perspective—a place
where we finally feel at peace
with losses that seem so unjust.

Occasionally I’m able
to rise that high.
But then my ego feels threatened
and begins to fight for survival

and in the spin of the ensuing battle
I will eventually trip and tumble

and go bump bump bump bump bump
back down the stairs.

Just as the ghost lady did
the night she died.
As she still does
every evening at this old hotel.

But despite our failure to hold the position
after we land, we always stand
and start the struggle
all over again—
because in those brief moments at the top
our hearts feel
the relief of freedom.

No, I may never be able
stay at that place of peace
on a permanent basis
but each time I climb
I grow a wee bit stronger—
so who knows?

So much joy to be found
in this stubbornness!—
I bet the ghost lady feels it
each night as she tries to rise
to a new life
at this grand antique hotel.

mythsteps · Ghost Lady and Me

Survival: poetry book
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© 2024, Michael R. Patton

You Never Know What You'll Find

author’s note:

Happy Halloween!


YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU’LL FIND

When a stranger
takes one quick scan
and believes he knows
who I am...

I feel the impulse
to shock him awake
by pulling something up
from my dark depths
--but stop

not only because I fear
how he might react
but because I realize
I might also scare myself.

I’ve delved and dredged
for many years
yet continue to be surprised
by the spirits I discover inside.

Soultime: a novel
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© 2022, Michael R. Patton

Ghosts in the Trees

author’s note:

I want to go to Thailand…

...if only for the ghosts.


GHOSTS IN THE TREES

I’ve read:
in Thailand
ghosts live up in the trees--

a better place, I believe
than the shadowy basements
where we try to stuff our ghosts.

Ghosts actually want
to sunbathe and talk!--
when ignored they emerge
to wreck havoc
in our lives, in our world.

I speak from experience:

in fear, I tried to hide my ghosts
from myself.
But my wraiths retaliated.
Working unseen
they kept trying to wreck me.
Finally I became more afraid
of what they might do
if I didn’t let them live
in the branches and sun.

Now, as I walk in dappled shadows
around the tree
I listen and learn from ghost stories.
I still fear the powerful grief
but bolster my strength by repeating
what Coach always told the team:
no pain, no gain.

Over time, many of my shades have faded
in sunlight
but I know they’ll never disappear completely:
my history will always be my history
just as our history
will always be with us
even when stuffed in the basement.

If we don’t let those ghosts live
up in the trees
we’ll still feel their pain
while losing the opportunity
for a higher education.

myth steps blog
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© 2022, Michael R. Patton

The Silent Voice

author’s note:

“I learn by going where I have to go.”
             -- Theodore Roethke


THE SILENT VOICE

Sometimes, when I quiet down
to ponder a decision...

I detect a voice

deep within...alien, it seems:

a voice without language
or even sound.
Nonetheless, it talks:

sometimes it tells me yes
sometimes it tells me no--
often giving me an answer
different from the one
I’d wished for.

But I've learned not to argue--
from experience I know
the walls, the falls, the knots
that result when I go against it.

However, to obey--to follow--
often doesn’t bring clear benefits--
often
I can’t see the purpose
for going here instead of there
and doing this instead of that
even years after the act.

To deal with my perplexity
I’ve decided to trust
that that little voice knows
the way to "home"--
knows what needs to unfold
through work and time--knows
where I need to go in order to
eventually get to
where I need
to eventually be.

A bold notion--I’m fearful
as I struggle to believe
and yet, I’m also encouraged:
I find hope in that belief.

dream steps blog
© 2021, Michael R. Patton

The Great Obsession of the Hotel Ghost

author's note:

I’m not a ghost…but I have been mistaken for one.


THE GREAT OBSESSION OF THE HOTEL GHOST

Our tour guide says:
the woman walks the same path
night after lonely night--
sometimes, guests
can hear her soft steps
on the hallway carpet
just outside their door.

A forlorn lady, yes--but
I see her fixation as positive:
I believe some ghosts relive
the same tragedy relentlessly
because
they’re trying to see
a higher reason--
they ask:
can a life that seems so damned
have a grand plan?--
they want the wisdom
that will set them free.

Maybe at first
the ghost expects this wisdom to come
in a sudden blazing beam of light from above

but in time, realizes
the light must slowly be raised
from depths within.

Then, as she delves down
maybe she’ll find a design
of cause and effect
but based on my own experience
I’d guess:
intellectual insight
won’t be enough to free her--
no

she needs to delve until she feels
the truth of what
she’d always been taught:
“all is as it should be”--

what I’ve sometimes felt
in a sudden moment--
a moment too soon gone
because
I’m still too dim to hold on to
that great sense of perfection.

However, I believe
if we keep delving and lifting
eventually that sense
will remain with us
then we’ll finally shed
our old dark chains.

But as the tour guide says:
though ghosts will abandon their haunts
they do so only gradually--
slowly fading over years--
decades.

Yes, decades--but
I can see how
with each delve, I lift
just a bit more light
than on the previous night.

© 2019, Michael R. Patton
what I learned while alone: poetry ebook