God in a Breath

author’s note:

In a recent dream, my car had a flat tire.

Apparently, I need more air.


GOD IN A BREATH

At first, the child believed
God lived in the clouds

then she heard that God lived within

but that idea didn’t make sense--
how could God possibly fit?

But she’d often sensed
something hovering near--
something she couldn’t see or hear.
Must be God, she thought.

But if God was right there
why didn’t he protect her
from stings and falls and mean dogs
and people who acted like mean dogs?

He just stood and watched
while the world tormented her.

She burned with frustration
and humiliation
at the indifference of God.

But the hot tears on her cheek
soon cooled into grief
and she breathed a deep sigh
then sighed deeply again

and in that moment
she suddenly began to feel
a quiet warmth
kindling within her chest.
So she took another breath
and felt that glow grow.
She told herself:
This must be what Mother means
when she praises
“the peace of God’s love”.

Slowly then
our young heroine
began to see her mistake:

God really did care
but did not help her in her struggles
because
(as her father often said)
she needed to learn
how to deal with such things
as falls and mean dogs and mean people--
she needed to learn
how to deal with the stings.

And because God
had not interfered
she’d now learned
at least one good way
to deal with such things
and that was
by letting God in:
   if she took a deep breath
   then another deep breath
   and another and another
   whatever it is that is God
   would come in—she’d feel it.

That’s why we sigh so often,
she thought:
We’re trying to breathe in God.

Many times, many times
that silly belief helped soothe
the wounds of childhood

and also the wounds
of adulthood.

But to be honest
the woman usually forgot about God

except in those moments
when doubt darkened
into despair--
then she’d finally remember
to close her eyes
and take a deep breath
and another deep breath
and another deep breath
and concentrate
until she again felt
that healing soul
fill her heart
with the warmth of love.

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