On the Other Side of Numb

author's note:

I think we're going to have to fight to keep our nerve endings in this new world we've created.


ON THE OTHER SIDE OF NUMB

I couldn’t escape the vague sense
of something wrong inside

but when I asked the doctor
what the problem was
he asked me:
how do you feel?

and when I couldn’t clearly answer
I feared I might be numb

but then thought:
maybe I’ve found the problem!--

maybe by discovering
my true feelings
I’d open--
the real me would finally be
set free

and my strange malaise would end.

So with determined courage, I began
to poke about
and slowly penetrate down
to what lay beneath
that vague sense

and bit by bit, uncovered…

a storm of confused pain!
Many wounds
connected to
one big wound.

Yes, I also found love and joy inside
but feeling what I felt had not healed me
as hoped.

But at least now I could see
the source of my trouble.
I applied balms and bandages.
And when I realized I needed to do more
I learned to stitch.

Yet after years of work
I still can’t give you a happy ending:
I laugh at my old dream
of being a wise man in peace.

Tempting sometimes to stop trying
but I’m aware: to stop would be
even more frustrating--

I can say so because
I now know how I feel--

how I feel
when I doze in the dust
in the small dark corner
and how I feel
when I again
take up needle and thread.

© 2020, Michael R. Patton
Poet, Heal Thyself: poetry ebook